I have something controversial to say as someone who runs a leadership development organization: Sometimes leading sucks.
There are real joys. Watching your vision come to life. Bringing out others’ full potential. Making a difference in education. The fulfillment is unparalleled when you see real impact.
And sometimes it’s backbreakingly hard. So hard you wonder if you’re doing it wrong. So hard you forget why you fought for this position in the first place.
After 15 years leading and working with leaders at every level in education, I know I’m not alone.
One of the hardest parts? Setting high standards that aren’t consistently met. You feel like you’ve been clear. You’ve said it multiple ways and multiple times. And still the same issues. The same drift. It can make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
You’re not crazy. And honestly, you may not even be doing it wrong. In some ways, an inherent feature of leading people is just accepting that you are the “Reminder in Chief.”
One of our favorite metaphors at School Leader Lab is the salt shaker theory. It comes from Danny Meyer, the founder of Shake Shack, who has built a restaurant empire. Danny tells the story of struggling with leadership at the beginning of his career and how his mentor taught him a lesson he never forgot.
After complaining about his staff not meeting his standards, Danny’s mentor asked him where he wanted the salt shaker on the table during dinner service. Danny placed it in the center. His mentor slid it off center. Danny moved it back. His mentor slid it again. And again. And again.
People will always move the salt shaker. Staff will move it. Customers will move it. Things will always drift off course. The leader’s job is simply to notice the drift, calmly move the salt shaker back to where it belongs, and remind everyone—again and again—where it goes.
Meyer calls it “constant, gentle pressure.” Not pressure that overwhelms. Pressure that reminds. Pressure that says: this is who we are and what we expect. Every single day.
People drift for different reasons: could be competing priorities, resistance, forgetting what they agreed to do. Leadership work requires naming, out loud and repeatedly, what matters most, and letting go of what doesn’t.
Here’s my hardest-earned lesson: when people aren’t doing what I hoped or expected, it’s rarely because they’re out to get me, or don’t respect me, or can’t stand me. And even if, on some days, that is the reason, dwelling on that gets me nowhere.
Rather than getting angry at the salt being moved, the best leaders hold up the mirror first. Was I really as clear as I thought I was? Am I a resonant leader that others want to follow? Am I having the clear and kind conversations that actually move the salt back or am I sugar coating and ignoring? Am I living up to my standard? They balance this important self awareness with action, staying attuned and reflective while moving decisively to hold others accountable.
Like diners at a restaurant, folks just naturally move the salt. If we didn’t need someone to move it back, we wouldn’t need leaders. Everybody could just carry salt around in their own pockets and we could have little pockets of chaos. That’s where leadership comes in.
I’m sure Danny Meyer is still moving salt shakers back. He just knows now that it’s the job, rather than being shocked and dismayed by the work.
Now, here’s the thing. It does get better over time. That’s why our mission here at School Leader Lab is to help leaders lead better and stay longer in service of Black and brown children. You get less annoyed when people move the salt. You get better at communicating your standards up front so people know where the salt belongs. You retain critical staff who already know how you set your table so you don’t have to start from scratch every year. You build a strong leadership team that distributes the salt shaker moving load.
But it never truly goes away. Think of the best leaders you know. They don’t sit in a back office watching peacefully as everything flows smoothly around them. They move salt. Every day. Likely at larger and larger scales. But it’s the same premise.
So here’s my challenge as you head into break:
Name one salt shaker that’s going well. One goal you set that your team is knocking out of the park. What went right? What moves did you make? What can you replicate?
Now name one that needs constant, gentle pressure when you come back. Ideally, this is something you’ve already rolled out that needs more attention. Not something new. Nobody wants a leader who spends their holiday break cooking up a bunch of new initiatives. Focus on what you’ve already said matters. And do it better.
We all have salt shakers. They will keep sliding off center. That’s not failure. That’s the work.
Keep moving them back. With clarity. With consistency. With care.